Tim Walz had ‘passionate’ fling with daughter of CCP official

Good news. Contrary the speculation of the likes of Tucker Carlson, “Tampon Tim” is not gay… because he had a passionate fling back in 1989 with a woman from China. Bad news: he made the daughter of a top-ranking Chinese Communist Party official feel “cheap and common.”

According to the Daily Mail, vice presidential nominee Tim Walz “sipped tea, made love and listened to George Michael hits” with Jenna Wang when they were both in their twenties.

“Tim was very passionate and very romantic. I can still remember dancing with him to our favorite song, ‘Careless Whisper,” Wang told the Mail. “We were deeply in love and I wanted to marry him and start a family. When it didn’t happen, I felt very unhappy and sad. Tim’s behavior was very selfish.”

Some have “accused” Walz of being gay, including former Fox host Carlson. “I’m just saying the guy looks super, super gay” to me, Carlson said in a conversation with DC journalist Charlie Spiering on his YouTube channel. Trump campaign advisor Jason Miller implied Walz is a “wildly gesticulating effeminate caricature.”

Walz has been married to Gwen Whipple for thirty years, and while there have been many doubts about his ability to wield a rifle, he is “very passionate and very romantic,” according to Wang.

But Jenna Wang does not put Walz in a good light. After quitting her job and moving to America, Walz supposedly accused Wang of being more interested in a US passport than a marriage, which resulted in Wang becoming suicidal and the relationship falling apart. 

“Tim lied about Tiananmen Square and he’s lied about other things,” she said. Wang was referring to when Walz falsely claimed he was in Hong Kong when the Tiananmen Square protests erupted. He later awkwardly corrected himself during the presidential debate, eventually admitting it was a timeline mistake on his part. Silly “knucklehead” Walz. 

“This is a very crucial moment in history,” Wang continued. “And a man like this does not appear to have the character and integrity to do one of the most important jobs in the world.”

Election Day is almost here, and time is running out. Cockburn can’t wait for the last couple of October surprises to be revealed…