The Social World

Tag: Intel

  • Trump should buy Hooters

    Trump should buy Hooters

    In the wake of the US government taking on a 10 percent equity stake in Intel, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick is floating the idea of the government investing in defense companies like McDonnell Douglas. “If we are adding fundamental value to your business, I think it’s fair for Donald Trump to think about the American people,” he said.

    When this news broke last week, Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, the last true living conservative, told Politico, “If conservatives endorse this now, they hand Democrats a blueprint to expand government ownership over the private sector later. Socialism is literally government control of the means of production.” Sure Rand. While that idea might fly in your senior-year political science independent study seminar, this is Donald Trump’s America we’re talking about here. He is running the “HOTTEST” economy the world has ever seen. America has the best companies, but no one runs companies quite like Donald Trump. Here are some other companies where a US investment would be not only valuable, but vital.

    Disney

    Even Snoop Dogg is balking at Disney products these days, saying he’s “scared” to go to the movies with his grandchildren because there was a same-sex couple in Lightyear. Snoop’s right, that movie was terrible, and the lesbians worthless pandering. This isn’t America’s Disney that we grew up watching. We’ve had enough weird CGI dwarves and princesses of power. A US equity investment would ensure a return to Disney’s optimistic world of tomorrow and would also restore the original Disney from the adult-baby wokeism that has taken over the franchise. The Country Bears will sing the Song of the South once more, as the Trump administration awakens Disney with true love’s kiss.

    Cracker Barrel

    I think we can all agree by now that the Cracker Barrel revamp is a national embarrassment, turning a beloved roadside institution into something bland and generic. A Trump Administration equity stake is just what the restaurant chain needs. Let’s restore the rocking chairs on the porch, the buckets of stale candy and the shelves of wind-up raccoon toys. And let’s beef up the menu with literal extra beef, plus some Trump-branded items. Chicken and Trumplings, anyone?

    Meta

    Aren’t you tired of an unaccountable mega-corporation operating in secret, gathering intelligence on you even while you sleep, never having your best interests at heart while trying to rot your brain with propaganda slop? That’s the government’s job! The feds should take 10 percent of Meta so it can replace our tax revenue with slow-burn ad dollars from comedy videos about Gen X getting older and the difference between dating in the US and France. Welcome to the AI-narrated “A Day In The Life Of A Jack Russell Terrier” video economy.

    Tesla

    We know President Trump and Elon Musk have had their difficulties. No one’s missing the DoGE era. Well, we are, because it was fun to write about, but the country isn’t worse off without Elon grinding his chainsaw on stage every five minutes. But now that Musk is out of the national spotlight and back to running his 19 companies, his companies actually have value again. It’s definitely in the national interest for the government to control the transportation industry, the media, space travel, and Las Vegas underground train systems. Let’s just make sure Elon signs an NDA this time.

    Gold’s Gym

    Fitness is back. US schoolkids have to run a mile again, RFK Jr. is doing pull-ups in jeans, the Kennedy Center is honoring Sylvester Stallone and the UFC is going to stage a battle royale on the grounds of the White House. But if the Trump administration wants Americans to bulk up, it’s going to have to provide subsidized gym memberships. Exercise equipment for 400 million couch blobs is expensive. A 10 percent equity stake in any one of our fine national fitness chains would do the trick. And the TVs would no longer be tuned to the Fake News Media.

    Hooters

    Word broke this week that Neil Keifer, the man who’s trying to take over America’s run-down “breastaurant” chain in bankruptcy court, will revitalize the brand by bringing back hot pants and making it “delightfully tacky.” The Golden Age of Hooters is long behind us, but we also thought the Golden Age of America was behind us. So why not Hooters? It’s already bankrupt. A national investment would be inexpensive, with an easy return. President Trump could oversee the redesign himself. He knows a thing or two about Hooters. We want more sauce, shorter pants, and the most beautiful waitresses in the world. Hooters is for sale, America. Let’s grab it by proverbial.

  • Trump’s command economy

    Trump’s command economy

    Donald Trump never made a secret of the fact that he wanted to be a commanding president but it wasn’t clear that it included a command economy. In the past few months, though, Trump has been steadily meddling with it, ranging from his insistence on a 15 percent cut of the profits from his threats against computer chip manufacturers Nvidia and AMD to his threats against the independence of the Federal Reserve – including his peremptory demand that Fed Governor Lisa Cook resign, which she has vowed to resist. Others are not as resistant. It appears that Trump has successfully extorted a cool $10 billion from Intel CEO Lip-Bu Tan whom he has previously derided as in cahoots with China.

    Trump is depicting his move as a grand bargain that will benefit both sides. Intel buys itself not into his good graces, but also derives the benefit of Trump’s unique financial acumen. “I said,” Trump said, “I think it would be good having the United States as your partner.”

    Actually, it wouldn’t. Trump seems to think of the American economy in terms of a buddy movie in which he partners up with bigtime corporate CEOs. But the more Trump distorts the free market economy, the greater the risk that he will capsize it. The American economy has flourished because it has promoted entrepreneurialism backed by the rule of law. How can Trump credibly attack New York’s socialist candidate for mayor, Zohran Mamdani, at a moment when he himself is instituting, as far as possible, much more radical changes to steer the economy?

    In jettisoning conservative precepts about the economy – free trade bad, tariffs good and so on – he seems to want to emulate strongmen abroad, including China’s Xi-Jin Ping. He is intruding into corporate boardroom and acting as though he possessed a patent on economic wisdom. History says otherwise. In the past century various communist regimes imploded under the weight of dysfunctional command economies. With its hybrid capitalist system, China has avoided that fate. But it is by no means clear that Beijing offers a superior model to western capitalism. Quite the contrary. It suffers from a bloated real estate market, an aging population and willful economic decisions imposed by the communist party. Indeed, the American Enterprise Institute’s Desmond Lachman suggests that the Chinese economic miracle has reached its terminus, in part because of its oppressive crackdown on the tech sector. Like Japan, Lachman believes that China may be about to experience “a lost decade of painfully slow economic growth.” Hmm. Is that really the path that America wants to follow?

    Trump should think again. He has become intoxicated by his own rhetoric, issuing ukases on everything from greening Washington, DC with new sprinkler systems to intervening in the nation’s economy.

    As Trump ponders further excellent adventures in tampering with the free market, he would do well to remember that the Hippocratic Oath also applies to the economy – first do no harm.

  • Why Trump may regret investing in Intel microchips

    Why Trump may regret investing in Intel microchips

    When President Trump unveils a massive investment in the microchip manufacturer Intel on behalf of the American people it will no doubt be accompanied by all the usual hyperbole. No doubt we will hear all about how it will be the “deal of the century,” delivered personally by the “investor in chief.” But hold on. Sure, we can understand why the President wants to help one of the US’s most strategic companies. But the blunt truth is that Intel is well past its peak – and it will prove to be a terrible deal. 

    It will be one of the largest industrial investments the White House has ever made. According to reports today, the government is discussing taking a 10 percent stake in Intel, making it the largest shareholder. In total, the government might pump around $10 billion into the company, although a big chunk of that will come from converting the billions in grants and subsidies it received from President Biden’s CHIPS Act into equity. Either way, Intel will get a big chunk of extra cash.  

    Intel has become hooked on subsidies and grants

    In fairness, there is a case to be made for state support. Microchips are a key strategic industry, and, just like Joe Biden, President Trump wants to make sure that the United States has enough manufacturing capacity on its home soil. He wants to ensure the country is not completely reliant on imports from South Korea, Japan or, most worryingly of all, Taiwan, given that it could be invaded by China one day. It is probably significant that one of Intel’s biggest projects is a new plant in Ohio, which also happens to be the home state of Vice President J.D. Vance. 

    The trouble is, the company also faces huge challenges. The days when laptops proudly boasted “Intel Inside” are long in the past. The company’s share price has halved over the last five years. It has been overtaken in chip technology by Nvidia, now the largest company in the world measured by market value, as well as Taiwan’s TSMC. It has abandoned its plans to invest in Germany, despite receiving billions of euros from the government in Berlin to build a plant in the country, because it couldn’t work out how to make it pay. In the mass market, Samsung has overtaken it, and Chinese manufacturers are snapping at its heels. It may have been one of the pioneers of the computer age, but it is now looking well past its prime.

    In reality, Intel has become hooked on subsidies and grants. The company has become very good at hustling cash out of governments. It has not been so good at making chips or serving customers. It is very hard to see how a few more billions from the White House is going to turn that around now. President Trump will no doubt boast that he has secured “the best deal ever.” But it is likely to prove a terrible investment.