Tag: #MeToo

  • What makes a ‘survivor?’

    What makes a ‘survivor?’

    Are you a survivor? We are not, luckily, all Gloria Gaynors. She declared in 1979: “I’ve got all my life to live, and I’ve got all my love to give/ And I will survive.” Gaynor has, so far, made good on her promise.

    Surviving afflictions unscathed is not always an unmixed virtue. “She would be earning a good living somewhere… The Mary Taylors of the world were natural survivors,” wrote P.D. James in Shroud for a Nightingale in 1971. Now, even a new biography of Lady Margaret Beaufort (1443-1509) is subtitled Survivor, Rebel, Kingmaker. But what of those poor people who have gone through the misery of child sexual “grooming?” Are they victims or are they survivors? Or should they be neither?

    Last week, after he withdrew his name for consideration as the chair of Britain’s national grooming inquiry, the thoughtful retired policeman Jim Gamble made a comment using both terms: “The police have understandably lost the trust of victims and survivors because some were corrupt.”

    In 2021, this sense of survivor was noticed by the Oxford English Dictionary as: “A person who has experienced a traumatic event or past abuse, especially of a sexual or psychological nature.”

    In 1975 there was an example in the Los Angeles Free Press: “Welcome all survivors of rape, child molestation, welfare lines, botched abortions, unemployment and typing pools.” There’s a certain bathos in “typing pools,” oppressive as they might have been. As for victim, in the sense of “a person who has been intentionally harmed, injured, or killed,” the OED notes that “in some contexts survivor is now used in preference to victim.”

    There has been a recent trend to turn misfortune into victimhood, as in the #MeToo and Black Lives Matter campaigns. Donald Trump presents his prosecutions as evidence of his victimhood, but when a bullet nicks his ear, he brands himself a survivor.

    This article was originally published in The Spectator’s November 24, 2025 World edition.

  • Don’t take Virginia Giuffre’s memoir at face value

    Don’t take Virginia Giuffre’s memoir at face value

    Six months after she took her own life aged 41, Virginia Roberts Giuffre’s “memoir” Nobody’s Girl, written with her professional collaborator Amy Wallace, has been published. It is bound to evoke distinct and intensified feelings in readers because the account of her suffering, coupled with the manner of her death, increases the emotional impact of the narrative. 

    The writing style and tone of the book feel authentic. Giuffre, who was born in 1983, uses words like “rad,” meaning awesome or cool, and “stoner dude,” to describe someone who smokes a lot of weed plus her constant reliance “on music to make the world make sense” seem very “Xennial” as late Generation Xers or early millennials are sometimes called.

    If Giuffre is to be believed, one could not fail, surely, to be moved by her account, which is quite graphic in places, and by the arc of a tragic life that is chronicled in four parts with emotive titles: “Daughter,” “Prisoner,” “Survivor” and “Warrior.” There’s no index, however, so the book could have done with a dramatis personae to help keep track of who’s who in a large cast of characters. Above all, it would have benefited from a detailed timeline of her life and the key events she describes.

    Precision, particularly as to accurately identifying named abusers, when and where the alleged abuse took place and crucially how old she was at the relevant times, is not, however, the author’s strong point when it comes to standing up her narrative version of events. This precision really matters in the sexual abuse accusations Giuffre levels.

    Who cares, you may ask, if she was 16, 17 or 18 when she met Jeffrey Epstein, who she accused of years of abuse? It isn’t a trivial difference, however, when it comes to statutory-rape charges. At my sister Ghislaine’s trial, as Giuffre herself notes, to her manifest disappointment: “Two of [the] accusers testified only after the judge instructed jurors that their description of alleged sexual conduct could not be used to convict [Ghislaine] of the crimes charged… “Kate” was above the age of consent in the [relevant] jurisdiction… and “Annie” [was not considered a minor in New Mexico where the alleged sexual contact had occurred].”

    Giuffre had previously accused Alan Dershowitz, a sometime Epstein lawyer, of abusing her no fewer than six times – including in the Netflix series Filthy Rich – but later admitted she “may have been mistaken.” Yet in her memoir she writes: “Some critics have insinuated that there’s no way I could remember these men… But to them, I say simply this: when a man has been on top of you, his face just inches from your own, you remember him.” But if that’s true, how could she have been mistaken about Dershowitz?

    When it comes to Giuffre’s firsthand account of her time “in Epstein and Maxwell’s orbit,” Amy Wallace in her preface states: “[It] was supported by thousands of pages of public court documents, including sworn depositions… [containing] the full names of many of the men who Virginia alleged she had been trafficked to. Their contents are supported by numerous other sources including… published books on the subject by authors such as the Miami Herald’s Julie K. Brown [and] Virginia’s former attorney Bradley Edwards…” As if the sheer quantity of such material and the implied quality of the names in support are standalone proof of Giuffre’s overall veracity. This is a surprisingly Stalinist approach to corroboration. 

    Giuffre herself states in the introduction to her memoir, “Until now I have never told my whole story. Doing so allows me to fill in gaps, to provide context where it has been sorely lacking, and in key places to set the record straight.” She confirms, however, that she did in fact “complete a 139-page typewritten manuscript entitled The Billionaire’s Playboy Club.” Although unpublished it found its way into the court record. 

    The “context” she then provides about that version of her life is to blame the Mail on Sunday reporter Sharon Churcher for advising her (in 2011/12) to fictionalize parts of the narrative to avoid being sued. This, she says, accounts for why “my third encounter with Prince Andrew… occurred at Zorro Ranch [in New Mexico], not where it actually occurred: the Caribbean.” It wasn’t until 2019 that Giuffre’s own lawyers had to admit in a court document that the manuscript was indeed “fictionalized.” 

    It is from this disclaimed memoir that Julie K. Brown directly quotes Giuffre verbatim or paraphrases her in her 2021 book, Perversion of Justice. The book is dedicated to Giuffre, which might explain why Brown was happy to corroborate her version of events to Wallace. Is it any wonder, therefore, that Giuffre’s credibility issues were one reason she was neither named as a victim nor called as a witness in my sister’s prosecution? She claimed she was not called as a witness because she would have been “a distraction” but that’s a self-serving lie.

    At Ghislaine’s sentencing hearing, despite not featuring in her trial in any capacity, Giuffre – who was never cross-examined under oath in any legal proceeding – was allowed by the judge to provide a victim-impact statement. The statement itself could not be subjected to cross-examination and Giuffre’s most serious and untested allegations added time to Ghislaine’s sentence.

    Giuffre frequently writes lines such as, “I didn’t want money. I wanted justice,” and mentions her charity, SOAR. Yet despite having reportedly received more than $20 million in settlements – including at least $2 million from Prince Andrew – the charity was never fully established, lost its tax-exempt status due to inactivity and has no record of charitable giving.

    Nearly three-quarters of the way through the book, readers are asked if they “can remember America before the #MeToo movement” which reached its apex in late 2017. In the pursuit of “justice,” #MeToo was a wave that Giuffre, guided by her ruthlessly adept advisors, skillfully – and above all, profitably – rode to their mutual benefit.

    While that movement has clearly raised increased public awareness of sexual misconduct, it has also generated an important debate over the erosion of core principles of natural justice. The bully pulpit of social media too often bypasses traditional mechanisms of due process, with allegations leading to devastating reputational consequences before a formal investigation or hearing can occur.

    By May 2020, presidential candidate (as he then was) Joe Biden, facing allegations from a former staffer of sexual harassment 27 years earlier, produced a more nuanced interpretation of the original #MeToo slogan, “Believe women,” when he said: “[There is a] belief that women should be heard… that [they] deserve to be treated with dignity and respect… and that their stories should be subject to appropriate inquiry and scrutiny” (the italics are mine).

    Even if only parts of Giuffre’s account are true, she is still a person who suffered and deserves sympathy. But that cannot excuse the fact that she accused innocent people of serious crimes and destroyed reputations and lives. 

    Her claims – like anyone’s – must be carefully vetted. To approach this book with the assumption that she is telling the truth necessarily means imposing a presumption of guilt on everyone she has accused of sexual assault, placing the burden on them to prove their innocence. This is contrary to all principles of natural justice.

    This article was originally published in The Spectator’s November 10, 2025 World edition.

  • The decline of sex and the alpha male

    The decline of sex and the alpha male

    Not long ago, early in the morning in Washington DC, I walked past a construction site and a man in a yellow vest whistled at me. I laughed but what really struck me was how rare catcalling has become. Even construction workers, the cliché of crude male attention, have fallen silent as have, it turns out, moans of passion in bedrooms across America. According to new research, Americans have lost their libido – and not by a little.

    Only 37 percent of American adults reported having sex once a week or more, down from 55 percent in 1990. Across generations the pattern holds the same. Even within marriage, sex is increasingly confined to holidays. Weekly sex rates for married couples have fallen from 59 percent in the 1990s to below 49 percent today. Among young adults, the story is even grimmer: nearly a quarter of Americans aged 18 to 29 say they had no sex at all in the past year, double the rate of a decade ago.

    Bourgeois boredom, once the great engine of romance, has been numbed by endless scrolling. In the 19th century, Anna Karenina and Emma Bovary blew up their lives for affairs and a century later, Catherine Deneuve’s in Belle De Jour fled her perfect marriage by slipping into a brothel. They fled ennui, turning sex into a rebellion against the social norms and institutions. Over the years, sex was normalized and even adultery no longer shocked the parish priest. Today, middle-class boredom in American cities produces nothing but clicks. Modern Anna does not take reputational, emotional, digital risks by going out and meeting someone, nor does she leap onto the tracks for a lost love, she streams Netflix and chills.

    And can you blame her? Over the past decades, women’s emancipation went ahead, while men’s opportunities and success declined. The evidence is everywhere, starting with education, where boys’ academic performance has worsened at every level. Romantic relationships have always been asymmetric, typically a higher-status man with a lower-status woman. The reverse has never been the norm and exceptions only prove the rule. With emancipation, many women have climbed higher up the social ladder. Men, over the same period, have not only failed to keep pace but have slipped downward. The result is a dating market with too many successful women, too many failing men, and a crisis. If modern Anna’s options look like Tim from Tinder, why bother losing a night’s sleep?

    The crisis isn’t only in the statistics. It’s visible in the disappearance of small, if imperfect, social rituals that once signaled desire in public space, such as buying someone a drink at a bar. The old moral codes are gone, but they are being replaced with new ones: the parish priest has given way to HR, sexual harassment trainings and viral tweets. Rules have multiplied around sex from verbal consent protocols to workplace regulations. The result is that people grow afraid of the consequences, and sex hardly feels casual, any longer.

    The me-too movement that started with a noble aim to prevent sexual abuse, assault and discrimination against women, predictably overreached into structuring desire. The courts of public opinion declare people guilty and turn them into enemies of the society without giving them a fair trial. Some in America have forgotten that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. If in the Soviet Union it was your neighbor who brought up your careless word or unapproved behavior to the authorities, now it can be a girl you met at a party ten years ago posting on X.

    Not only have politics around sex gone wrong but so have my friends. They’ve organized the search for partners instead of leaving it to chance. A few went full Fiddler on the Roof and hired matchmakers, spending enough to buy a village in a developing country. Another treats a first coffee date like a meeting with the Soviet Central Committee, laying out conditions like where to live, when to have children, what the five-year plan should be. I once saw a girl arrive at a Halloween party dressed as a mummy, wrapped in toilet paper, and joked that nobody would sleep with her because it would be too much paperwork. Same thought comes to mind about sex today, lots of red tape.

    A romantic relationship needs ordinary interaction before it can grow into anything deeper. If you don’t know your neighbors, do not go to bars nor appear for benediction on the weekends and have few friends, you are far less likely to meet anyone. I feel exhausted coaxing friends out of their flats, the ones I’ve already half-lost to Netflix. I have been silently punishing them by going alone to the movies. Parties themselves have all but vanished. People used to throw them for no reason at all, now even that chance has disappeared.

    But is the situation as bad as we make it out? One may argue there is nothing wrong with less sex. After all, fewer meaningless flings hardly rank as a national crisis. Except less sex is only a symptom of something larger: less life. Along with it comes what has been called an “epidemic of loneliness” and erosion of social life.

    What made life tempting is slowly disappearing. A few too many drinks at a bar, a walk with a friend that turned into an unexpected introduction, or an evening that stretched just long enough for bad decisions to look like good ones. Now, instead of calling a girlfriend to wonder if a guy deserves a second date, you get lost in Tik-Tok videos diagnosing him as a walking red flag. Gone are serendipity and spontaneity along with sex.

    The fewer casual encounters we have, the fewer chances there are not only for lasting intimacy but even for the brief, reckless kind that leaves you walking home in yesterday’s clothes. And that’s a shame.