Banana skins from the UCLA encampment

Cockburn wasn’t sure how he would occupy his time after the season finale of The Bachelor aired last month. As it turns out, following daily updates from the pro-Palestinian encampment on the University of California, Los Angeles campus is better than anything on TV. The latest scene — banana warfare —is particularly absurd.

The encampment, which began on April 25 with 100 students, has swelled to over 400 protesters. Organized by UC Divest, the activists are demanding that the university system divest from companies associated with the Israeli military, cut ties with Los Angeles Police Department and academically boycott Israeli universities.

On Friday, encampment dwellers claimed counter-protesters threatened to “sexually assault” a student with a banana after finding out she had a severe banana allergy. The only video evidence shows a student outside the encampment eating a banana and dancing. While far from violent, the mere presence of a weapon of such mass destruction was enough to send students quivering in fear. “The next day they came back waving bananas like settlers waving machine guns & smeared bananas everywhere,” wrote one user on X. 

Since the incident, students have been vetting all food and supplies entering the encampment to check for bananas. According to Cockburn’s sources, other contraband items include kosher beef and homework. 

Instead of raising money for food and medical supplies in Gaza, UCLA protesters have found a better cause for their finances — themselves. “We have an immense amount of snacks and water,” Marie Salem, a media liaison for UC Divest, told the Daily Bruin. Pictures from the encampment show soda, organic fig bars and fruit snacks, as well as fun activities like sidewalk chalk. The activists also have bathroom access and a generator. 

“Even though I was really, really exhausted, it was still a really nice feeling to go to sleep surrounded by people that I love and trust, knowing that we’re all here for the same cause – and that is for the people of Palestine,” said Annie, a UC Divest organizer who didn’t give the Bruin her name. Cockburn is sure the children of Gaza feel much better knowing the UCLA solidarity protesters are sleeping easy at night.   

Taking a play from the actual war, the students say they won’t give up until they have achieved their goal. “We can go forever because our community supports us, and we’re going to be here for a long time,” Salem said. “We’re going to be here until they meet our demands.” 

The encampment hasn’t been all prayer services and picket signs though. Violence has been escalating as counter-protesters, also referred to as Zionists, clash with UC Divest members. 

Around midnight on Tuesday morning, sixty counter-protesters attempted to breach the encampment, presumably armed with bananas — banana launchers and grenades are already in the works. The attack took six UC police officers armed in riot gear to break up the fighting. 

For their part, the UC administration seem unconcerned with both the escalating banana warfare and the calls for divestment. 

“The University of California has consistently opposed calls for boycott against and divestment from Israel,” said a spokesperson for the UC Office of the President. “While the university affirms the right of our community members to express diverse viewpoints, a boycott of this sort impinges on the academic freedom of our students and faculty and the unfettered exchange of ideas on our campuses.”