DC mayor booed by Nats and Phillies fans

Hill Country bye-bye-Q

Cockburn wishes farewell to karaoke mainstay and watches baseball fans fight

DC is evolving. Cockburn honored the memory of Hill Country Barbecue Karaoke on Wednesday night, ahead of the downtown hotspot closing its doors for good today. No tickets were available at the door and the line snaked throughout the restaurant as Hill staffers, hacks and college students pored in for one last singalong.

The live band whipped through staples such as “Mr. Brightside,” “Redneck Woman” and “Before He Cheats” (twice). A number of veterans also took to the stage: one former host told the crowd that he’d had his first kiss with his now-wife upstairs. A silver-haired gent took to the stage with a walking stick and offered a beautiful rendition of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.”

For DC denizens mourning the loss of live karaoke, Cockburn can confirm that the band will play on, a block away at Penn Social. Reportedly moving into the lot vacated by Hill Country: a Washington chapter of Pubkey, the sceney New York cryptocurrency bar. The regulars are not too pleased about that development: “FUCK bitcoin,” a besuited Hill staffer yelled into the mic after finishing his song, to whoops from the crowd.

Some things never change though: Cockburn was present for Opening Day at Nationals Park as his beloved Washington Nationals took on the Philadelphia Phillies. The ballpark is one of the top spots to hobnob and mingle with politicos: take Congressman Brian Fitzpatrick, who represents the City of Brotherly Love, and brought his staff along for the 4 p.m. game.

The East Coast cities were united in one blissful moment before the first inning, coming together to loudly boo Mayor Muriel Bowser when she spoke. Only turncoat Bryce Harper received a worse reaction. The harmony didn’t last, however: Cockburn witnessed three altercations in his section as the game progressed and the Phillies put the home team to the sword, scoring four runs in the tenth inning to win 7-3. Yes, the Phillies fans started all three.

On our radar

NEXT THING SHE’S WEARING MY ROLEX Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem sported a $50,000 Rolex on her tour of a prison containing deported immigrants in El Salvador.

US-EH? One in five Americans would like their state to join Canada according to a Leger poll this week.

GRAVE CONCERN Representative Sylvester Turner tweeted a new profile picture for Opening Day – despite dying three weeks ago.

Inking feeling

Hegseth’s tattoos under the microscope, again

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is embroiled in another controversy this week – one that doesn’t involve encrypted messaging of maybe-confidential-maybe-not information for a change.

During a visit to Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam in Hawaii, Hegseth did some exercises with the Navy SEALs stationed there and blasted out photos of himself doing what appear to be burpees. On full display in the pictures – alongside the egotism – are Hegseth’s many tattoos, one of which is the Arabic word “كافر,” or “kafir,” which translates to “infidel.”

The media is up in arms over the bicep tattoo, which is in close proximity to an inking that says “Deus Vult,” or “God wills it.” Hegseth has caught heat for wearing his beliefs on his sleeve before; Crisis magazine reported in November 2024 that Hegseth “was accused of being an ‘insider threat’” for his Deus Vult tattoo because it allegedly invokes white supremacy dating to the crusades.

In response to the revelation of Hegseth’s kafir ink, the Council on American-Islamic Relations said:

Tattooing the Arabic word kafir – which essentially refers to a person who knowingly conceals or denies fundamental, divine truths – on his body is a sign of both anti-Muslim hostility and personal insecurity.

No dogs allowed

SLOTUS skips husky race on Greenland trip

Second Lady Usha Vance has not been in the limelight much since she and her husband took up residence at the Naval Observatory. That all changed last week with the announcement that she was set to visit Greenland, the current Danish autonomous territory and possible future 51st state. In a video announcement, SLOTUS said she was “particularly thrilled to visit during your national dogsled race.” If the idea of Usha’s visit was to soften the American foreign policy approach to the Atlantic island, it backfired: there were protests in the capital Nuuk and vigorous denunciations from Greenlandic politicians.

In response, the US has tweaked Usha’s itinerary: she left early this morning, joined by her husband Vice President J.D. Vance and third wheel National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, America’s best texter. And the focus of the trip is now more defense than culture: they’ll visit the Pituffik Space Base and skip the dogsleds. Hopefully the Vances manage to keep Waltz on a tight leash…

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