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Looking back on the Queen’s 1992 “annus horribilis,” the events involved — though surprising at the time — seem almost staid now. The wife of her favorite son was photographed canoodling with an American. Her daughter divorced. Her daughter-in-law was the co-creator of a frank book about the sorrows of her marriage to the Queen’s eldest son, and to top it off, Windsor Castle burnt down.
There’s a whiff of Sunset Boulevard about the isolated pair as they flail around wondering where to go next
Three decades on, there’s a marked difference between the Queen’s awful year and that of her grandson, Prince Harry. The Queen’s year might have happened to anyone who had a bit of bad luck and a lot of castles. Harry and Meghan’s “annus horribilis” is the direct result of them being, as that Spotify exec said, “fucking grifters.”
Last year, when the “grifters” remark was made, we all thought the Sussexes could go no lower. This was the year of the South Park episode wherein two characters obviously meant to be H&M embark on a “Worldwide Privacy Tour.” It included a genuinely chilling moment when the Prince suggests to his wife that they might actually embrace a life of privacy and do good things rather than just talk about how good they are. When she doesn’t answer, he opens her head and finds that she is hollow, like a Russian doll.
Yet 2024 has, amazingly, been even worse for them. For starters, their supporters now look like bullies, no matter how much they present Meghan as a victim. Meghan’s obsession with Catherine, Princess of Wales, already seemed like a case of sour grapes. But when it transpired that the princess was absent from public duties due to chemotherapy for cancer, Meghan’s supporters still spread nasty rumors.
Perhaps finally acknowledging that her acting career is over, Meghan has cooked up a lifestyle brand, American Riviera Orchard, which sounds like a urinal cake. Entirely unsurprisingly, American Riviera Orchard has failed to take off. While people don’t need to like you for your lifestyle brand to be a success (see Paltrow, G. and Stewart, M.), they do have to be slightly envious of you and think: “I wish I had what she’s got!” No one wants what Meghan’s got — except perhaps possibly poor plastic-faced Omid Scobie. When Tina Brown said this year, “The trouble with Meghan is that she has the worst judgment of anyone in the entire world. She’s flawless about getting it all wrong,” it sounded like an understatement.
Meanwhile Prince Harry is faring no better. The man who once proudly wore medals earned from a decade in the army now travels the world collecting toy-town tributes like a baffled child playing at being a grown-up. At the start of the year he was inducted into something called Living Legends of Aviation, which sounds like a hipster pop group. He ended the year in the “Titan” category of TIME magazine’s list of the 100 “most influential leaders driving business to real climate action.” Helpfully, in October, the Express totted up the number of air miles gobbled up by Harry and Meghan thus far this year, which amounted to 82,908 for just “work events.” The figure does not include internal flights on their visits to Nigeria and Colombia, nor private holidays. This equates to more than three trips around the world. That’s some climate action.
And two things this year have made Harry appear not merely daft, but callous. The first was when he accepted — against the wishes of the dead man’s mother — the Pat Tillman Award from Excellence in Sports Performance Yearly. Tillman was an American football player who gave up a more than $3 million contract to enlist in the US Army. His mother Mary said: “I am shocked as to why they would select such a controversial and divisive individual to receive the award. There are recipients that are far more fitting. There are individuals working in the veteran community that are doing tremendous things to assist veterans. These individuals do not have the money, resources, connections or privilege that Prince Harry has.” Meanwhile, there are ongoing horror stories emerging from the wildlife charity African Parks in the Republic of Congo, where Harry is a board member. The charity is investigating allegations that “guards” working for it have been involved in the rape and torture of indigenous people.
What’s the perfect way to correct the impression that you’re an out-of-touch playboy prince? Why not be the “executive producer” of a five-part series about polo, starting on Netflix next week? See what I mean about their judgment? Though both Harry and Meghan’s names will appear on this highly relevant project, it’s likely the muck will stick to the Prince. Polo is his “thing.” Next on Netflix is Meghan’s show about cooking, so we can all see how down-to-earth she is.
It seems likely that Meghan has decided that her husband is holding her back, which may be the reason that the once inseparable pair have been traveling mostly solo this year. When a folie à deux gets old, the lovers often turn on each other in their loneliness and frustration.
I doubt whether the Sussexes can turn their prospects around. Just as a marriage can survive loathing but not contempt, so it goes with public perception of the famous. We don’t even hate them any more. These drama queens could probably finagle actual hate into fuel for their persecution complex. We just think that they’re ridiculous.
There’s a distinct whiff of Sunset Boulevard about the isolated pair as they flail around wondering where to go next. Is Harry living in a hotel? Are they moving to Portugal? Will they attempt to follow their friend Ellen DeGeneres to the Cotswolds now that their nemesis is set to become president? Could there be a welcome in Blighty yet for Harry? Tina Brown summed it up: “She’s kind of run out of road — I don’t know where Meghan goes. Harry could still, as I say, make a comeback. He’ll always be Prince Harry. He’ll always be the grandson of the Queen and the son of Diana.” It’s feasible that the marriage could implode and Harry will come limping home. But whatever next year holds, it’s hard to imagine that it could be worse than 2024.
