Tag: Parties

  • Why DC loves to hate Partiful

    Why DC loves to hate Partiful

    If you’re under 50, you may have noticed that Partiful has quietly annexed the American social calendar over the past year or two. The event-planning app, founded by former Palantir employees, began as another Silicon Valley toy, but it didn’t stay regional for long. Its loud dashboard aesthetic spread quickly through the Bay Area and then achieved escape velocity in Washington, DC. I wouldn’t be surprised if the strong cultural current between tech and defense is what created near-perfect conditions for a social revival in nerd world.

    While I understand a bit of snobbery over the aesthetics, I’ve been surprised by the constant performative disdain I’ve observed accompanying its rise. Everywhere I go, I hear people say they “hate” Partiful. I watch otherwise socially adept adults roll their eyes at the indignity of being invited to yet another birthday karaoke or themed dinner through an app, of all things, as if the rest of their lives aren’t already dictated by Outlook and Slack.

    Receiving a Partiful link is akin to a minor social injury, a digital affront to imagined analog elegance. This is nothing more than user error, in my view. Partiful’s origins do give it an undeniable tinge of dorkiness, but only the constitutionally weak would let that get in the way of a good time.

    Sure, the format is corny. The animated sparkles, the tie-dye backgrounds, the GIFs. But in a society where birth rates are in a nosedive, no one’s heard of sex before and social skills are degrading by the minute, I am more than happy to turn a blind eye to a few lurid colors and kitschy animations in service of prosocial behavior.

    Infact, I’d go as far as to say that my social diary has never been busier thanks to the efficient plug-in between Partiful and my iPhone calendar. I know exactly when everything is happening and I am rarely at risk of double-booking myself, which is more than I can say for the pre-Partiful days when RSVPs were a veritable archaeological dig through texts, DMs and half-remembered conversations.

    Indeed, it may be the only app that’s as effective at getting people to log off as it is at getting people to use it. For the socially blessed, perhaps the garishness of it all is a true burden – not all of us are well-connected enough to enjoy a constant whisper-network of parties, or handwritten calling cards from a generous host.

    For the rest of us, the mere fact that someone went out of their way to invite you to something, even through a candy-colored interface, is hardly an indignity. If being invited to a party is the worst thing that has happened to you this month, I congratulate you on your charmed life.

    The main complaint I hear beyond the superficial is that the app feels “too public.” The guest list is visible. The RSVPs are visible. People can see you were invited. They can see you RSVP’d “maybe” and then never updated your status. Knowing who is attending an event supposedly ruins the mystery of running into an exciting stranger or, more thrillingly, an unwelcome ex. But this transparency only offends those who relied on ambiguity to maintain their mystique. Some of us know how to withhold, wherever we go.

    Another accusation: the app’s design encourages people to RSVP just to see who else is coming, which allegedly leads to inflated guest lists full of ambiguous spectators. While I’ll admit that this is gauche, it does reflect a fact of human nature. People have always wanted to know who will be at a party before deciding to attend. Partiful simply removed the need for back-channel interrogation and gossip-triangle logistics. Tacky as this may be, millennials have no right to be so snooty about it, given the fact that their long-forgotten Facebook events had the same feature.

    If you read between the lines you’ll notice that DC in particular loves Partiful because it flattens status games while simultaneously revealing them. The everyday social life of the city, the informal gatherings of the civil servants and hard-drinking journalists, becomes a semi-public ledger of who’s hosting, who’s being invited and who’s orbiting which micro-scene.

    In a city where professional life and social life blur, where a dinner can double as a networking event and a house party can function as a quasi-policy salon, this level of transparency is intoxicating. People here love data, for good or ill, and Partiful gives them plenty of it.

    Partiful exploits Washington’s weakness for structure, but in my view, the exploitation is a net positive and benefits all stakeholders. It makes it easier for hosts to gather people, easier for newcomers to break in, and easier for the city’s chronically Type-A residents to remember that fun is a scheduling problem more than a metaphysical one. The app has created a small renaissance in casual hosting: backyard dinners, themed cocktail nights, going-away parties, last-minute potlucks.

    I’ve been to five-person movie nights and 500-person galas because of it. It has lowered the barrier to entry for throwing something together. It has reminded people that to enjoy a party, you have to log off and actually attend it.

    If some find this embarrassing, so be it. But it’s hard not to admire an app that has done more for community-building than a decade of think-tank happy hours. DC may scoff at Partiful, but it also cannot stop using it. And maybe that’s the clearest sign of all that the app is here to stay.

    This article was originally published in The Spectator’s December 8, 2025 World edition.

  • Against flakes

    Against flakes

    A new drinks-party-shirking method has taken hold in society. I call it “Lastminute.non.”

    Previously, the way of not going to someone’s party was to write a polite message of refusal at least a week in advance, giving the host or hostess ample time to absorb the sad but inevitable fact that various friends would not be able to attend – usually for copper-bottomed reasons, such as that they had other plans for the evening or would be away on holiday.

    The new trend seems to be to accept an invitation, and then, mere hours before, to duck out of it. This means that from breakfast time onward throughout the day of the party, the host will receive a steady stream of apologetic messages.

    It happened to me last month, on the day of the launch of my debut novella at a bookshop. I awoke hoping for a golden day, during which I’d bask in anticipation of seeing all my friends gathered in one place – at least, the ones who had a tick rather than a cross beside their name on the invitation list.

    From 10 a.m., the Lastminute.non messages started trickling in from people who’d accepted the invitation a few weeks ago “with great pleasure,” “much looking forward to it.” One had a cold, one a cough. Another had Covid symptoms. One poor friend had a fractured ankle and another a leaking bedroom ceiling. By 5 p.m., after the messages had pinged in at about the rate of two per hour, I was under the illusion that half the country must be at death’s door, such a litany had I received of “feeling decidedly unwell,” “the dreaded lurgy has hit our household,” “weird symptoms,” “sneezing, so going straight home” and “far, far below the weather.”

    A few said they were “heartbroken.” Another began with “alas and alack.” These piteous messages always make you feel compelled to reply with lashings of sympathy rather than mild annoyance. On receipt of each, I wrote something along the lines of: “Oh, poor you. I totally understand. You’ll be much missed. Hope you feel better soon.” It was time-consuming and emotionally wearing. Some changed their story on the day. One had pleaded the theater in his original refusal – perfectly legitimate – but said he hoped to drop in for the first 15 minutes. He didn’t turn up – and the next day explained that he’d met up with a very old friend. Was that instead of or as well as the theater?

    My feelings of disappointment turned to amusement as I waited for the next brazen excuse. Within an hour of the party starting, one messaged to say she couldn’t come after all, “for dog-related reasons.” Her pet was about to be dropped home by the dog–walker, who was running late due to “van issues,” and she needed to be at home for the drop-off.

    What is going on here? Are we becoming less able to face the reality of our intentions? It seems so. I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt to the majority of the hacking coughers and sneezers and the ones with temperatures – with the proviso that if the party had been a Champagne reception, I don’t think they would have felt quite so ill at the last minute. But some of the cancelers, I feel, never had a fixed intention of coming in the first place. They’d said “yes” to seem upbeat, wanting to keep their options open, and then needed to find a way of wriggling out at the last minute, maybe because they couldn’t face the journey (or “schlep,” as they might put it). They’d said “yes” to an event safely in the non-immediate future that they would never have agreed to attend if it was happening that very evening.

    That should be the test for one’s acceptances: “If I had to do it today, would I want to do it?” Perhaps invitations should allow three possible answers: accept, refuse or “I’ll come if I feel like it on the day.” One accepter emailed on the day to say he was “stuck in Oxford.” Couldn’t he have foreseen that a few days in advance? It made me salute the intrepid few who managed to unstick themselves from Oxford and make it to the venue.

    Lastminute.non is so easy to do by text or email. It avoids cross-examination. But if everyone sent messages like this, there would be a literal non-event. A party relies on the people who accepted turning up. As the day wore on and the trickle threatened to turn into a flood, I worried that the whole edifice would crumble to nothing but a few potato chips in a bowl. Thankfully, a great many guests did turn up. But I’ve been reminded how shaky an acceptance can be in today’s technologically convenient and commitment-phobic world.

    Would it be better for shirkers not to announce their Lastminute.non intentions, and simply not turn up? Two no-shows thoughtfully emailed me the next morning to say they were very sorry they hadn’t been able to come, but hadn’t wanted to message me on the day, as they knew how dispiriting it was to receive such messages just before a party. I appreciated that. Their non-appearance did cause me mild anxiety, but at least I hadn’t had to write them a sympathetic email during the build-up.

    The best revenge for this alarming phenomenon would be to send all those who ducked out at the last minute an invitation to an expensive treat, such as a tasting menu dinner at a Michelin-starred restaurant. You would not, in fact, book a table for this. On the day, you would send each of them a message saying you were feeling “far, far below the weather” and sadly had to call the whole thing off.

    This article was originally published in The Spectator’s November 24, 2025 World edition.