How will the GOP survive without Paul Ryan?!

Psychologists and self-help gurus agree: it’s the little things that bring a smile to one’s lips and impart savor to life. A case in point was just vouchsafed this weary world by Paul Ryan, former important person.

An interviewer for ABC recently sat down with Mr. Clean and asked him whether he would be going to the 2024 Republican National Convention, which is to be held in Milwaukee in Ryan’s home state of Wisconsin.

“Where will you be?” the host asked.

“It depends on who the nominee is,” Ryan replied. “I’ll be here if it’s not named somebody Trump.”

Ooo, that stung, Paul! “It’s,” “somebody Trump.” Slash and burn, what?

I have some bad news. That “somebody” might very well be Donald Trump. At the moment, despite the full court press from mega-donors and almost every legacy media outlet — including Fox, on whose board Ryan sits — Trump is way ahead in many polls.

Of course it is early days yet. At this stage in the 2016 election cycle someone called Scott Walker — remember him? — was leading the pack.

Is Ron DeSantis the new Scott Walker? Probably not. He might not be the new Ted Cruz, either. He might, in fact, wind up being the Republican nominee, which would be OK with me. He is pragmatic, tough-minded and is a great governor.

I’d prefer Trump, frankly: partly for the juvenile reason that it would drive so many beautiful people nuts, partly because I believe he was cheated out of the 2020 election — and partly because I think he would continue what he started in his first term, making America great again. Joe Biden’s handlers have been pretty successful at turning the acronym MAGA into a negative epithet, but in fact Trump’s MAGA agenda was an extraordinary success. If you want to know what I mean, think about these words and phrases: “inflation,” “stock market,” “401K,” “peace in the Middle East,” “wars, lack of,” “rising wages for the working class,” “tax cuts,” “a secure souther border,” “energy independence,” “the regulatory state, rolling it back,” “judges and Supreme Court justices.” That is MAGA, Joe.

In any event, the republic will doubtless be, as Claudius said in another context, “contracted in one brow of woe” if Paul Ryan is absent from the convention. Up and down the corridors the cry will echo “Where’s Paul Ryan? O where is he?” But somehow I think we will bear up under the obloquy and soldier on.

Should Trump once again upset conventional wisdom and prevail in the primaries, I am confident that Liz Cheney, too, will boycott the event. That also will be hard for the nation to bear. Should the worst happen, I recommend those happy few, that band of brothers, hold their own convention. Paul and Liz can head the Losers Party ticket and Bill Kristol can lead the chorus in issuing paeans to their “decent and elevated conservatism.” That will afford hours of entertainment, as will the spectacle of their “losing with grace,” a specialité de la maison almost everywhere in the GOP except the house of Trump.